Blues sign #1 overall pick Herrera

The Kansas City Blues tabbed Lamar Community College sophomore Jared Herrera with the #1 overall pick. Herrera, a 5'9 right-hander quickly signed a $4,000,000 contract. He profiles as a workhorse, capable of working 230 IP a season once he reaches the big leagues. The diminutive hurler features two solid pitches in his fastball and curveball which is especially tough on righties.

Jared Herrera Kansas City Blues Age: 20 B/T: R/R Born: Eads, CO Position(s): P (SP1) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Some scouts question whether such a small RHP can become a true ace. "How many 5'9 pitchers can you find in the league? The ones you do find are relievers," said one unnamed scout. Herrera scoffs at such criticisms. "My high school teammates used to make fun of my height when we went apple picking too, but how many of them got to attend community college?"

Herrera's hometown of Eads is going batty over his selection. Eads has a population of just 747 and until now was most famous for being the county seat of Kiowa County. The county tried to quickly enact an income tax so it could double it's operating budget with its take of the signing bonus. But, Herrera signed quickly and the measure hadn't yet made it out of committee where it was stalled due to Duane "Dog" Chapman being out of town filming the bounty hunter.

NKotB the Final Frontier: Oklahoma City Bombers

bonesmagoo takes over a franchise's 5th owner and 3rd in as many years. He immediately returned the squad to the mainland, leaving behind Hawaii and the only last place finish in franchise history. The team has never reached the playoffs either though. Five second place finishes in 9 seasons have not earned even a single wild card birth.

So, what do we know about bonesmagoo?

Well, bones was a little-known hanger on of famous pop sensation, WHAM! (see photo to the left). In fact, he was named lead roadie of WHAM! in 1984. George Michael never sang a word on a microphone that bones hadn't first said "syballus, syballus, one-two, one-two" into first. While his roadie career started off with a bang, magoo was soon overcome by the rock-star lifestar lifestyle, frequently bedding WHAM! groupie castoffs. He certainly could have continued on with this lifestyle for years, but then IT happened.

IT is the little-known conflict that drove apart George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley. In January 1986, just after explaining American football to Ridgeley while watching the Bears win Super Bowl XX, George Michael's burrito went missing. Michael had stepped out to do an interview. When he returned, his gordo chorrizo and steak burrito was gone. Michael, already suspicious of Ridgeley's accent, immediately blamed him. Ridgeley was still trying to understand why Jimbo Covert wasn't a legal receiver but Fridge Perry was, so he had little response. Surely the upstanding magoo would have taken the blame, but he was locked away on the crapper, experiencing the full effects of gordo + chorrizo + hot sauce. In fact, WHAM!'s farewell single, The Edge of Heaven was actually Michael's tribute to a burrito he never had.

maggoo would follow Ridgeley into Formula 3 racing. While Ridgeley never had much success, magoo would meet Helena "T-Shirt" Pennzoil, heiress to the Jiffy Lube fortune. He and Helena didn't last, but he would walk away with a small fortune, plus free oil changes for life. He's sunk his life savings into the Bombers, which are named for a line in "Battlestations", off WHAM!'s farewell album, Music from the Edge of Heaven.

NKOtB Part Two: Ottawa Automatons

We're finally back at it with just two more new team profiles to write. evilleteache takes over what was once one of the top franchises in the AL. After some early turmoil ewd330 took over this franchise and plated in Rochester where the team went on to win 5 straight division titles and advanded to the ALCS 4 times in 5 years, even reaching the World Series in Season 7.

After a somewhat disappointing 2nd place finish in one year in Philadelphia, billybob sold the franchise to evilleteache. The megalomaniac evilleteache made his fortune after inventing Chia World, a minaturized globe that grows a color-coded map of the world when special seeds are applied. What began as a way for teache to conquer the world became a commercial success when a local radio station added it to their "news of the weird" segment. After amassing his fortune, he decided to turn to What If Sports. A recent lawsuit alleges that evilleteache actually stole the idea from an episode of Pinky and the Brain.

By relocating to Ottawa, he hopes to avoid the US legal system. The Autmatons are actually named for his 2nd most famous invention, a self-sustaining robot. The robot is able to repair, recharge, and relocate itself for an idefinitie period of time. The break-through was initially praised but was never commerically successful as the robot was incapable of doing anything useful since it was so focused on maintaining itself. It also had the annoying habit of starting every sentence with "biddy-biddy-biddy."