Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Outlaw Owner responds

Fresno owner official statement: After much trepidation, I sought council from my good friend Al Davis and discussed exit strategies from Los Angeles. While LA posed a prime baseball market, the Outlaws were unable to receive the necessary upgrades to the stadium and additional revenue required to maintain such an elite professional organization. Fresno has welcomed us with open arms as we seek to build a strong relationship with the city and our fans. We look forward to many successful seasons at Grizzlies Stadium.


Outlaw owner PirateFan13 and Al Davis exchange pleasantries

New Kids on the Block, Part one: Kansas City Blues

DSMBA became the 6th owner of the franchise in as many years this offseason. After opening with a 5-year run in Detroit where the team won 3 division titles and made the playoffs 4 times, sportsnut sold the team and it was relocated to Buffalo. But Buffalo was too cold and the team was taken to Chicago. But Chicago was also too cold so the team was taken to Montreal (doesn't make much sense). Finally, with DSMBA at the helm, this well-traveled franchise has landed in Kansas City.



So why Kansas City? Well could there possibly be a good reason. At least it's as far south as the team has ever been. Some initially squabbles about sharing the stadium with the Kansas City Wiz have been resolved, and the BBQ's will be fired up for Opening Day.

So more importantly, why the Blues? Well, the Kansas City Blues has been the name to several sports franchise. In fact, Dallas Cowboys and Washington Senators (later the Minnesota Twins) can both trace their origins to franchises from KC known as the Blues. Minor league basebal land hockey franchises have also used the name. But these Kansas City Blues are actually known for their music.

While better known for it's Jazz, Kansas City also has a vibrant Blues culture. Team owner DSMBA is a silent partner in the Kansas City Musicians Foundation. So who cares? Well, nearly every drunk in KC does. You see, the KCMF has immunity from the town's liquor laws and sells booze all night long. This market advantage has allowed dsmba to amass a small fortune, which he has used to acquire this traveled (if not storied) franchise.

Team manager Abraham McMillon is very worried. You see the Blues players have been known to spend a late night or two on the town. McMillion, who managed the Las Vegas franchise last season, has seen the impact a lack of sleep and an overabundance of booze can have a team (witness Francis Bird's implosion last year). "If these guys think they can roll in at 5 am and still win, they're dead wrong. We're enforcing a strict 3 am curfew while the team is at home." Good Luck Abraham!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Mamma Mia! Baseball back in Austin

National League baseball is back in the state of Texas as the franchise formerly known as the Memphis Shores has relocated to Austin. The Austin Drillers are will open play under new owner, threester this season.



The Drillers are perhaps the most infamous franchise in Second City history. They play in the most successful division, with the Mexico City Bandejos and San Juan Crownrificos combining to win 6 of the 9 championships thus far. The Drillers on the other hand, have never made the playoffs, never touch .500, never finished anywhere but 4th in the NL South, and own the record for the worst season in Second City history, 13-149 in Season 8 under the deposed sonenlaw.

So why Austin? Well, few people know that Austin was orginally named Waterloo, before changing it's name to Austin in honor of Stephen F. Austin, sometimes called the father of Texas. As it turns out, new owner threester is an unabashed fan of Abba. His favorite Abba tune? You guessed it, Waterloo. Threester is rumored to have been romantically involved with Frida Lyngstad, one of Abba's lead vocalists. The trist was never confirmed and both threester and Lyngstad refused to comment for this story.

Silly Rabbit, Trix is for Communists

The Oklahoma City Bombers used the 2nd pick in the Rule 5 draft to acquire Jose Suarez from the Washington D.C. Honor and Courage. Jose's older brother Livan Suarez is the Bombers top hitter, coming off back-to-back 50+ HR seasons.

The story of the Suarez brothers is a complicated one. The players' father, Luis Suarez recently resigned as head coach of the Ecuadorean national soccer team. Luis was born in Columbia. Fearful for her life with her husband coaching a national soccer team, the boys mother Sonya moved the duo to California. When her job as the voice of the Trix silly rabbit required her to move to Minnesota, she left Livan behind in California, where he completed high school while living with a cousin that plays soccer professionally. Jose never really liked Livan or soccer, calling the sport "a Communist game played by nationalistic pigs." The boys have rarely spoken since.

Jose followed his mother to Minnesota, finishing school in Edina, MN. Jose was crushed when his audition to play the voices of one of the kids in a Trix commercial was cancelled. He threw him self into baseball, and now he'll get a shot to play for the Bombers.

When told that Jose would be coming to Oklahoma City, Livan said, "if he starts talking smack about soccer, we're gonna have words again." Jose is certain that noone in Oklahoma City has ever seen a soccer ball and pledges that it won't be an issue.

Monday, October 20, 2008

'Feds Shock Bandejos Again!

Charles Kubinski
Richmond
Confederates
Age: 36B/T: L/L
Born: Towner, ND
Position(s): P (SP2)
View Hardball Dynasty Profile


The Richmond Confederates, the defending champions, who shocked 3-time champ Mexico City in the World Series, fired another shot directly across the bow of dyuen and the Mexico City Bandejos. Three time Cy Young award winner Charles Kubinski signed a 2-year, $17.6M contract with the Confederates last night.

Kubinski, who went 22-4 with a 2.55 ERA last season joins a powerful Richmond team that brings back almost every significant player from last seasn. Kubinski is one of a handful of players to have made the playoffs every season, posting a 16-10 postseason record in 33 appearances (30 starts).

dyuen had this to say, "We'll miss Kraz (SIC). He's been an incredibly valuable asset to the team but the fact is, this guy has more mileage on him that an aircraft carrier hooker." Expecting a 36-year old who's averaged over 250 IP over 9 years (when playoffs are included) is a luxury that Richmond can afford for now.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Isotope Power Source?

From St. Louis to Kansas City to San Diego to Colorado Springs back to St. Louis to Albuqueque and now finally to Arizona (Phoenix), few franchise have moved as many times as the Isotopes. The franchise has gotten so good at moving, the front office is actually located in a series of inter modal containers that can be loaded onto trucks (as with the recent move to Arizona), Ships, or even trains (as was the case for the KC - San Diego, and Colorado - St. Louis moves. The conainters are filled with the latest technology enabling 'Tope GM and owner, uustal to keep up with the latest comings and going in HBD (see left for picture of the GM's "mobile office" along with his assitant GM, Bonnie Barstow and his belove Trans Am).

The team nomadic history is not surprising given it's name. Rumors have long swirled that the team's facilities are powered by an as-yet unidentified source. WCM has obtained a photo of what alleges to be the team's power source. You can find it to the right. In each city at which the team has stopped, a single-high ranking official has been given access to the team's facility. 5 of the previous 6 city officials have developed a mysterious illness. uustal calls it pure coincidence, but protestors are already approaching the team's facility in Phoenix and demanding the team move elsewhere.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Crownrificos sued by former players

Recently retired San Juan Crownrificos have filed a class-action lawsuit against the club alleging racial discrimination. Henry Freel and Troy Bollea allege that San Juan team owner wang35 has infringed upon their rights by not allowing the players to take personal time to celebrate Bastille Day. Bollea (rhymes with courvosieur) and Henry (rhymes with enuui) Freel are both American citizens.

However, Freel hails from Louisiana and comes from a long line of French Creole ancestors. He claims his great-great-great-great uncle Pierre actually notorized the Louisiana purchase. A plaque in his sister's currency exchange commemorates the occasion but locals are skeptical. "That boy ain't been right since he wrestled an alligator in the 5th grade." Local lore has it that Freel was given a standing eight-count, but won on points.

Bollea attended high school in NY state. He changed his name 11 years ago when a local reporter revealed that he was actually the child of his siblings' nanny, French aupaire Monique Bollea. The family had long concealled the secret but all was revealed the stunning season finale of The Jerry Springer Show.

Windy City Musings legal expert Roger Coussack doubts that the players have a case, but fellow recent retirees, Dennis Shibata, Sterling Dupler, and Frank Fujiwara are rumored to be considering joining the case for their own ignored ethnic holidays (Peal Harbor Day, Arbor Day, and National Talk Like a Pirate Day respectively).

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Outlaws hide out in Fresno

The LA Outlaws were finally driven out of LA today. The Outlaws have been battling the LA government over stadium financing for years. After being told 'no' team owner PirateFan13 immediately looked locally. While public statements have indicated that stadium funding was the reason behind the move, insiders are convinced that the move had more to do with the price of gas.

Since purchasing the team from founder bccullan 3 seasons ago, team owner and notorious miser, PirateFan has been commuting almost 200 miles from his home just outside of Fresno. Moving the team closer to home promises to save PirateFan hundreds of dollars a week in fuel for his Hummer H3.

Another, more obscure story comes from a former girlfriend of PirateFan who has chosen to remain nameless. "PirateFan is a bit of a cook. Ever since that James Bond move, A View to a Kill, came out, he's paranoid. First he dumped me and starts stalking Grace Jones (May Day from the film). Next thing you know he's convinced that Christopher Walken is going to sink Silicon Valley and then move on to LA. He said Fresno might be cheap now, but just wait until it's ocean-front property." This reporter couldn't even compose himself to ask a follow up question.

In Fresno, the Outlaws were greeted by the open arms of mayor Alan Autry. Autry, a former Green Bay Packer quarterback was thrilled to bring professional imaginary sports back to town after the stinging loss of rotisserie roller derby franchise, the Fresno Freeze to Budapest.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Eight-Figure Club

What follows is a summary of the 8 international free agents signed to $10M+ contracts this season. News, notes, and interesting stories regarding each are included.

Player
Hector Mendoza
POS Team Hometown Bonus Age
SS Colorado Mountain Oysters Juarez, MX $10.1 18
AB AVE HR SB BB Lev
157 0.401 10 10 36 Rookie

Scouts are divided on Mendoza's future position, with some thinking he can be an adequate SS while others see a move to 3B. The diminutive (5'10, 168 lb) Mexican looks like he'll hit for a decent average with a some pop (15 HRs). His baserunning instincts have been questioned, but insiders say he regularly snuck illegal immigrants into El Paso to work in gentleman's club as a teenager.

Player
Delino Armas
POS Team Hometown Bonus Age
P Nashville Harmonies Santa Rosalia, MX $10.2 18
IP Rec SV ERA K Lev
28 5-0 11-13 3.86 30 LoA

Armas is a tall, imposing right-hander that profiles as a future closer. His nasty sinking fastball gets ground balls and strikeouts with it's impressive movement. He complements the pitch with a developing curveball. If Armas can perfect his control, he could become a feared closer. After being named to the Lo A all-star team, Armas through a burritos and cervezas party that resulted in an overnight stay in jail for 2 of his teammates. Harmony management took no disciplinary action.

Player
Tony Mota
POS Team Hometown Bonus Age
P Albuquerque Isotopes Gatun, PA $10.3 19
IP Rec SV ERA K Lev
68 5-3 0 3.31 67 LoA

The tall Panamanian with the ironic mustache took Lo A by storm with his devasting screwball, which makes life especially difficult on right-handers. Scouts feel he can become a legitimate starter if he refines his changeup to get out left-handers. Mota's great grandfather actually designed the Gatun Dam, which the United States built along the Panama Canal between 1906-1914.

Player
Miguel Park
POS Team Hometown Bonus Age
P Vancouver Jets Districto Nacional, DO $11.1 18
IP Rec SV ERA K Lev
3.1 1-0 1-1 5.40 6 RL

Park has hit 95 on the gun with his riding fastball. Jets scouts see him as a project with tremendous upside. He signed late in the season, seeing limited action, but did throw 8 scoreless innings in the playoffs, allowing just 2 hits and 2 walks. On his first visit to Vancouver, the native of the Domincan Republic said, "Damn it's cold up here."

Player
Hee Bong
POS Team Hometown Bonus Age
2B San Francisco Dolphins Seoul, KR $13.0 19
AB AVE HR SB BB Lev
355 0.355 18 10 66 LoA

Bong came to SanFrancisco from Seoul, South Korea. He's tiny (5'9) and a bit raw in the field, but Dolphin scouts see a potential gold-glove CF or 2B. The 'Phins also expect a huge attendance boost when the Korean deputs due to San Francisco's large Asian population. In fact, Bong is spending the off-season hitting large fish in his Uncle's SF Fish Packing plant. His agent, has pitched the story to the writers of Rocky, but they seem uninterested.

Player
Joaquin Izturis
POS Team Hometown Bonus Age
CF Mexico City Bandejos Puerto Plata, DO $15.9 18
AB AVE HR SB BB Lev
278 0.263 5 21-27 29 LoA

Izturis hails from Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic. That translates loosely to flat plate. Aren't un-flat plates also known as bowls? Bandejos director of player development Snoop Doug Lahman said, "this guy is the for rizzle Tonii Hunter by dizzle." dyuen immediately punched him in the head. Izzy is fast and will get on base. Look for him to be patrolling CF in season 12 or 13.

Player
Yorvit Esposito
POS Team Hometown Bonus Age
P Toledo Boonse Farmers Chacao, VE $17.0 20
IP Rec SV ERA K Lev
27.2 0-2 4-5 3.25 33 LoA

Esposito hales from Chacao in Venezuela. His father, Antonio, became one of the top derivatives traders in Venezuela after retiring from professional ice hockey. His rumored to be on the verge of bankruptcy after his portfolio dropped 83% over the last month. The towering (6'5) lefty sports two devastating pitches that he uses to blow away hitters. Look for him to anchor the back end of the Boonse Farmer pen for years to come.

Player
Edgardo Merced
POS Team Hometown Bonus Age
P Burlington Bulldogs Hato Mayor Del Rey, DO $23.0 20
IP Rec SV ERA K Lev
37 3-1 0 2.43 36 HiA

Merced signed for a league-record $23.0 million. He went straight to HiA and pitched quite well. He uses pinpoint control, and three + pitches to get hitters out, but lacks a devasting strike-out pitch. He actually could be a decent hitter for a pitcher and even switch hits, both on and off the field.

There they are, the 8-figure club, coming to a ballpark near you ... in a couple years.

Hall of Fame?


WIS keeps telling us that a Hall of Fame is coming. I'd like to start a new feature here at Windy City Musings: Future Hall-of-Famers. To get the party started, sitemail me: jwendt, or post a comment here with nominations.

The only rules are that any nominee must have played in the league for 5 seasons or more (I don't want to hear about your 1st round pick from this year). Players, umpires, managers, coaches, and agents are all eligible.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Richmond Wins!

The Richmond Confederates took home their first World Series title and just the AL's second in 9 seasons. The 'Feds won their 4th straight AL East title and posted the 3rd best mark in the entire world at 115-47. A closer look at how they did it follows.

AL MVP Julio Nunez posted .330 average with 62 HRs, 67 SBs, and 185 RBIs. 4-time MVP and the worlds first 500 HR hitter Dick Caruso put up 45 more dingers to go with his .343 average. Two other hitters (Torres & Peterson) topped 40 HRs and a 5 in all all 100+ RBIs. In addition to Nunez' 67 SBs, Rule V pick Tim Ward stole 73 bases and scored 104 runs.

The pitching staff was aolid and deep. The top 4 starters, Brankley, Sheets, Xaio, and Griggin all won between 13 and 16 games with ERAs between 3.96 and 4.14. The fifth spot was split between 14-game winner Richard Stieb and 11-gam winner Wil Mann. Stieb proved his worth with a revenge victory against his former squad, Mexico City in the World Series. Closer Peter Hoiles was spectacular all year saving 37 of 38 games.

The starters combined to go 8-4 in the playoffs with Marty Brantley posting 3 of the team's 4 losses. Their 4.23 ERA throughout the playoffs is impressive. The offense didn't miss a beat either with Nunez and Caruso each hitting 5 dingers and knocking in 14 runs. Nunez and Ward combined to swipe 17 bases while getting caught just twice. Team averaged nearly 6.5 runs for the playoffs.

So what's in store for this squad going forward? The team had a very reasonable $91 million payroll, so there's some room. Most of the roster is already under contract for Season 10, though a couple of key pitchers could be on the move in free agency. Interestingly, no Confederate 1st round pick played a major role on the championship team, with Brett Karl (season 4) and Slick Black (season 7 sandwich) playing minor roles. The team was built largely through trades with MVP Nunez, closer Peter Hoiles, 3B Jorge Torres, OF Dick Caruso, P Vin Sheets, and P Marty Brantley all coming via deals.

Congratulations to the Richmond Confederates on their first World Series title!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

'Quistas Owner Goes Al Davis on Team, Promises Ludicrous Improvement


After another season bowing out early in the playoffs, Monterrey Conquistador owner kmueller tore into the team during a press conference. Kmueller went on a tirade, blaming coaches, players, fans, umpires, the stock market and even the water in Mexico. Even though Monterrey has won four straight division titles, kmueller is uphappy with the year over year decline in record and lack of ability to succeed in the playoffs.

The 'Quista owner went on to say "we need to improve our win total by 300%... anything less is unacceptable." When a reporter from a small town in South Dakota asked how his team would improve from 89 wins to 267 wins (a 300% improvement) with only 162 games in the season, kmueller was silent, and appeared to be sending a cell phone text message after taking the question.

Players had mixed feelings on the comments from the owner - the buzz in the 'Quista offseason training facility was directly related to coaching. Longtime 'Quista base thief and player's union president Roberto Servet said "We like kmueller - but how does he expect success when the league rules give so many benefits to free agent coaches. Until the league fixes how coaches choose to remain with a team, I don't think we'll see that level of success. We've had 9 different bench coaches in 9 years."

'Quista fans were glad to hear the owner get passionate, but many were concerned when kmueller indicated that "significant rebuilding" will need to take place. That usually indicates a couple sub par seasons may be in the mix in the near future. The 'quista fan base has been one of the most consistent over the years, mostly due to promotions such as Taco Tuesdays and Futbol Fridays.

Update: The reporter from South Dakota has had difficulty returning home, with apparent passport issues. Mexican authorities declined to comment.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Tabloids getting to Shibata?

Season 8 MVP Alex Shibata has been handcuffed by the Cheyenne Seminoles so far in the NLCS with 3 straight 0-4 performances. Shibata, who's .309 65 Hr, 155 RBI season was one of the best in Windy City history, came back to earth in Season 9, hitting just .274 while his HR total fell to 50 and his RBI tally to 123. Many theories have swirled regarding the reason for Shibata's slide, but now, Windy City Confidential (the tabloid section of this fine site) has uncovered breaking news.

Shibata's relationship with his long-time wife, Japanese pop star Jun Shibata is on the rocks. Jun, who's basically Japan's poppy version of Alanis Morissette, is no thrilled with Alex's decision to spend most of the off-season in Playa Del Carmen, the spring training home of the Mexico City Bandejos. Rumor has it, that her soon-to-be-released single, loosely translated as "Baby Won't Swim with Me", is a ballad bemoaning Alex's decision to spend the off-season on the beach rather than on tour with his wife.

Shibata, who has steadfastly refused to comment on the situation dismissed Japanese reports when questioned about his time in Mexico. He actually had to be restrained when one tabloid reporter asks about unsubstantiated rumors that Shibata has been linked to 80's pop star Tiffany, a team-employee that's been coaching the Bandejos dance team for the past three seasons.