NKOTB Part 1: The Salt Cith ShamWows

Salt Lake City ShamWows! (AL) yoker70 View Hardball Dynasty Profile

History: Yoker70 is the 8th owner in 16 seasons of this woebegone franchise which has yet to make a playoff appearance.  But Yoker seems to be righting the ship, adding 21 victories to the previous regime's total in year 1 and another 6 in year 2.  The string of 7 straight last-place in the division finishes remains, but yoker has a plan.

First, 2 #1 overall picks, Abraham Young and  James Kelly are being handled carefully, stepping their way through the minors rather than being rushed to the show.  Former #2 overall pick Pete Miller illustrates the value of this strategy with is .353 and 40 HR last season.

The Story: Last year in Santa Cruz, yoker and the boys had the lowest payroll in the league and one of lowest in HBD history ($32 million).  The team had to skimp on payroll because they just couldn't pay the bills.  But this season, the team moved to Salt Lake City, UT where a city ordinance will require fans to join a club before purchasing beer at the game.  This is projected to add $14 million in revenue.  On top of that, ShamWow, the #1 infomercial of all time according to CNBC, purchased the TEAM's naming rights.  The club's jersey's will actually be made of this revolutionary material which holds 12 times its weight in liquid.  Come players worry about what that will mean to their speed near the end of those always muggy games in Mexico City, Las Vegas, and San Juan, but the $50 million yoker is pocketing in the deal means - WHO REALLY CARES?  Plus, if you join the ShamWow drinking club, you get these "game shorts" seen above.  CALL NOW!

The Dandy Dozen: Dick Caruso - 1st ever 2nd City Hall of Famer

Dick Caruso none none Age: 39 B/T: L/L Born: Du Bois, PA Position(s): 1B/DH View Hardball Dynasty Profile

The Resume: Boy, where do  you start?  Dick Caruso is the Babe Ruth of Second City.  He won 2 AL MVPs and 3 AL MVPs.  He was a 9-time all-star.  He won 9 silver sluggers, 8 in LF and 1 at 1B. 

During the world's first 10 seasons, the FEWEST RBI he collected in any season was 133, never hit below .300 or scored fewer than 125 runs.  He posted more walks than strikeouts in 7 of his 12 seasons.  He played in EVERY GAME of the first 6 seasons of the world.

He was the first player to 500 HRs and finished his career with 600, tied for 4th all time.  His 1,747 RBI ranks 3rd all time.  His 1,579 runs are 5th all-time.  His slugging percentage of .654 is 3rd best of all-time.  Finally, he was intentionally walked a league-record, 211 times.

Caruso hit 60 or more HR's in 4 of his first 6 seasons.  In short, he is the most accomplished hitter in Second City History.

The Rest of the Story:  Despite all the accolades, Caruso left the game a bitter, jaded mercenary.  Despite being the most feared hitter in the game, he played in 6 different cities.  He was twice signed as a free agent and traded once.  All Caruso ever wanted was to be the star for one franchise, but he ended his career playing 80 games in AAA because he couldn't walk away.

When he was first a free agent, Caruso signed the most lucrative contract in Second City History, landing a 5 year, $110 million deal with the Charlotte Moon Knights.  Still, after all of that, Caruso has been rightfully added to the Hall of Fame ahead of ALL others.  And you can bet he'll cash in on the autograph circuit.

Friars Celebrate 1st Title!

The San Francisco Fightin Friars celebrated their first ever World Series title with a parade down the streets of the city yesterday.  Parades in San Francisco always bring out an interesting crew and this one was no exception.

While the fans were over-joyed at the title, many were equally concerned about the future.  The Fightin Friars have a number of difficult off-season decisions to make.  Two starting position players, 3B Michael Lee, RF Jose Escobar, and two key pitchers, staff ace Dude Wheeler, and 5th starter Terry Pressley are all eligible for free agency.  Eleven additional players are eligible for arbitration.  No matter what decisions the Friars, make, everyone expects the payroll to rise significantly from last seasons $83 million.

But today was about celebrations.  One  fan did appear at the parade dressed as a deranged bunny wielding a chain saw to demonstrate his belief that ownership intends to dismantle the championship team.  But this team was carefully built by duece112 and dspahlinger on the strength of the high draft picks that came with early tradition of losing.  Since duece arrive, that tradition has done a 180, with the squad winning 3 straight division titles.  Kevin Canseco (#1 overall, season 6), Dude Wheeler, (#3, S4), and Vinny Jameson (#16, S11) are all draft picks that contributed to the title.  Many others were used in deals to acquire key pieces.  This is not a franchise that was built for one season, but for the long haul, so expect to see them back competing for the AL pennant this season.

Say it ain't so Jalal

After years of deftly avoiding the issue, Commissioner Jwendt finally took on the steroid issue in Second City prior to the season. For the first time ever, random steroid testing was mandated for all imaginary players. While the commissioner handed down no suspensions, his zero tolerance policy clearly had an effect.

In Second City's 14 seasons, there have been 448 individual teams (32*14 seasons). This year's leading home run hitting team, the Texas Riders, hit just 265 home runs. While that sounds like a lot to the rest of us, it ranks as just the 78th best team performance in Second City History.

In fact, the leagues total of 5504 home runs is the fewest in world history by a long shot, as the chart below reveals.




That's right, this season saw 21% fewer home runs than the average Second City season.





But, not every player was juicing. Which players seem to have experienced the most dramatic drop offs?

Let's start with the guys everyone expects. The chart to the right shows the 10 players that led the league in HR's this year. Two spent all or part of last season at AAA (Clarke and Pascual). Their minor league (or combined) numbers are shown here.






It appears that nobody misses the juice more than Mexico City's Jalal Rivera.



In fact, WCM investigative reporter Geraldo Rivera uncovered even more damning evidence than that stats. When Rivera was drafted out of Spotsylvania, VA, he weighed just 168 pounds. Since moving full-time to Mexico City, a place known for shady pharmaceutical practices, Rivera has added almost 20 pounds. Moreover, his hat size has increased an alleged 1/2 inch.

But perhaps nothing is more damaging than a first-hand account. You see, while Jalal and Geraldo have never met, they share several 2nd cousins. One such cousin, Yuri, has long been known to work out with cousin Jalal in the off-season. They often meet in Nogales, Mexico, a nearly lawless border town south of Tucson. While Jalal has often referred to both the great food and frequent visits from University of Arizona undergrads as benefits to training in Nogales, Yuni admitted that is was also a great place to buy cheap steroids.

Jalal Rivera Mexico City Bandejos Age: 30 B/T: L/R Born: Spotsylvania, VA Position(s): 2B/LF View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Since learning of the accusations, Jalal, Yuni, and Mexico City owner dyuen have all refused comment. This news couldn't come at a worse time for the Bandejos who trail San Francisco in the World Series, 2 games to 1. Rivera is 4-12 with 1 HR in the series, but has he peed in a cup yet?

The Dandy Dozen: Jerrod Lawrence

The second to last player WCM's initial Hall of Fame class is a blast from the past.

Jerrod Lawrence none none Age: 38 B/T: S/R Born: Fairdale, KY Position(s): RF View Hardball Dynasty Profile

The Resume: Jerrod Lawrence played in the first seven seasons of 2nd City, making him the oldest member of the original Hall of Fame class. Lawrence would win the AL MVP in each of the world's first 3 seasons, making him the first, and one of only 3 players ever to win the MVP 3 times. In fact, only Lawrence and Banjo White won three consecutive MVPs.

Season 1, Lawrence's best, included a .372 batting average, 53 HR's, 198 RBIs, 172 runs scored and 43 stolen bases. Lawrence posted 30+ HR's in each of the league's first 4 seasons and be named an All-Star each year. He also won the first three AL RF Silver Slugger awards.

His career marks of a .322 BA, .405 OBP, .621 SLG, 869 RBI, and 778 Runs are still franchise (Chicago Bartmans) records. His 39 game hitting streak in season 1, remains the world record. No other player has ever exceeded 33 games. His .380 batting average in season 2 is the 5th best mark of all time.

The Rest of the Story:
To this day, Second City old-timers marvel at Lawrence's athleticism. While pre-season 1 records don't exist, there is little doubt that the whole of Lawrence's career would have challenged some of the biggest all-time marks. Perhaps the most amazing of his physical gifts was his speed. While he was never a great base stealer (129 SB, 55 CS), Lawrence had PURE SPEED.

In fact, while growing up in Fairdale, KY, which is now a part of Louisville, local coaches pressed him to take up track. Rick Pitino, then the coach at Kentucky, actually recruited the 6'5 Lawrence to play for the Wildcats. But it was legendary University of Tennessee track coach Chuck Rohe that recruited Lawrence the hardest. "He had as much pure speed as ANYONE I ever saw. The day he was supposed to come to Knoxville, I had Ben Johnson willing to race him for 60 meters. I think Jerrod stood a chance, despite a lack of coaching, but he never showed."

Lawrence skipped the visit to sign his first professional contract with the Detroit Diesels and he never would get that coaching.

Season 14 Playoff Preview

American League

1 - Richmond Confederates (105-57)
Richmond makes their 9th straight playoff appearance after winning their 6th division title

Strengths - Their 3.70 ERA led the AL by almost a third of a run. Doc Belle (22-4)and Marty Brantley (18-7) lead the staff.
Power hitting team was 3rd in the AL in HRs.

Weaknesses - .276 team batting average was just 12th in the AL, getting them to just 8th in runs scored. Cody Hall was the only hitter with 100 RBI.

4 - Chicago Bartmans (88-74)
New owner continues the tradition, winning the franchise's 3rd straight and 6th overall division title (7th playoff appearance).

Strengths - 7th ranked pitching staff in AL (4.7 ERA) finished 2nd in league in K's. 5th in runs scored, only Texas hit more HRs. Wesley Fullmer has been solid replacing Carl Brooks as closer.

Weaknesses - 158 Errors led to 2nd worst fielding % in AL. SS Edgar Pascual (65 errors) appears to belive he's entering the World Cup instead of the baseball playoffs.

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5 - Texas Riders (94-68) - 5th consecutive .500+ finish yields just the 3rd playoff appearance in franchise history. Tiny ballparks makes home games explosive.

Strengths - .305 batting average and 1069 runs scored were both 2nd in the league. Antonio Chapman is probably the best hitter in the league. Gookie Worrell anchors the staff. B.C. Juarez has been dominant closing all season.

Weaknesses - The overall pitching numbers are just average, but in this park, that's pretty good.

2 - San Francisco Fightin Friars (104-58)
Duece has the team on the right track, winning the division for the 3rd straight year.

Strengths - No team has walked fewer (434) and their ERA is good for 3rd in the AL. Dude Wheeler has been great. They're also the best fielding team in the AL.

Weaknesses - 9th in AL in HRs.

3 - Monterrey Conquistadors (97-65)
The 'Quistas make their 13th appearance in 14 seasons after winning their 10th division title.

Strengths - 3rd in runs scored and team BA (.300), William Miyakazi stole 73 of 76 bases. Whitey Sweeney (17-2) is the ultimate vulture.

Weaknesses - 13 of 14 pitchers to appear in the big leagues this season started at least 1 game. Which ones are supposed to step up now?

vs.

6 - Baltimore Dead Homies (89-73)
7th wild-card appearance in 8 seasons for squad that hasn't won the division since Season 5.

Strengths - 244 team SB's led league. Pete Richard stole 56, 3 others exceeded 30. Rico Lecuona is the ace. 1147 K's led AL.

Weaknesses - Uncertain bullpen situation only converted about 2/3 of save opps (42 of 62).

National League

1 - Burlington Bulldogs (112-50)
8th straight division title for the top seeded Bulldogs.

Strengths - Only Orlando Guillen knocked in 100 runs, but 8 hit 16 or more HRs. Edgardo Merced would have been Cy Young in any other year leading staff to 2nd best ERA in the league.

Weaknesses - Uh, they won 112 games. Ok, the closer, Clarence Schoendienst, is only 22 years old and has never appeared in the post-season at any level.

4 - Cheyenne Seminoles (80-82)
Rare sub-.500 team wins the putrid NL West for the 6th consecutive year.

Strengths - Pitching staff was 5th in the NL (3.33 ERA) and sports depth if a lack of true superstars.

Weaknesses - Benny Andrews was the only hitter with more than 20 HRs, but his .229 average hurts. Team BA is just .243, worst in the league.

vs.

5 - Sioux Falls Dakota (105-57)
Dakota are the only franchise never to miss the playoffs, but fail to win the division for the 2nd straight season. They come in hot.

Strengths - 4th in team ERA (.3.28), 76 team saves tell you they play a lot of close games. 8 hitters smacked double-digits HRs. Ace Paul Rhodes has 16 career playoff wins.

Weaknesses - .261 team BA is just 10th best in the NL, but .336 OBP is ranks 3rd.

2 - Helena Hound Dogs (107-55)
Making only their 4th ever appearance, they've won the division twice in a row and get the 2 seed on a tie-breaker with Mexico City.

Strengths - Rafael Aguilera is silly (27-2, 1.15 ERA). Matt Martin (17-4) gives them a dangerous 1-2 punch.

Weaknesses - They don't run much, with just 93 SB on the season. Only Richard Hiro drove in 100 runs.

3 - Mexico City Bandejos (107-55)
The all-time winningest team make their 11th straight playoff appearance and 8th straight division title. They do lack their customary bye.

Strengths - 821 runs scored led the NL; Jalal Rivera anchors the offense. 2.84 ERA also led the league. Marino Rodriguez anchors the staff.

Weaknesses - Well, their closer is only 23 years old. Also, they are usually fishing this time of year while awaiting their first playoff series.

vs.

6 - Memphis Drillers (89-73)
Once pathetic franchise makes their first ever playoff appearance.

Strengths - #6 pitching staff in NL features 21-game winner Rudy Robinson. Finished 3rd in Runs scored with 799.

Weaknesses - 108 errors are the most of any NL playoff team. Wily Mo Norman's 30 at 3B lead the team.