Thursday, January 14, 2010

Say it ain't so Jalal

After years of deftly avoiding the issue, Commissioner Jwendt finally took on the steroid issue in Second City prior to the season. For the first time ever, random steroid testing was mandated for all imaginary players. While the commissioner handed down no suspensions, his zero tolerance policy clearly had an effect.

In Second City's 14 seasons, there have been 448 individual teams (32*14 seasons). This year's leading home run hitting team, the Texas Riders, hit just 265 home runs. While that sounds like a lot to the rest of us, it ranks as just the 78th best team performance in Second City History.

In fact, the leagues total of 5504 home runs is the fewest in world history by a long shot, as the chart below reveals.

That's right, this season saw 21% fewer home runs than the average Second City season.

But, not every player was juicing. Which players seem to have experienced the most dramatic drop offs?

Let's start with the guys everyone expects. The chart to the right shows the 10 players that led the league in HR's this year. Two spent all or part of last season at AAA (Clarke and Pascual). Their minor league (or combined) numbers are shown here.

It appears that nobody misses the juice more than Mexico City's Jalal Rivera.

In fact, WCM investigative reporter Geraldo Rivera uncovered even more damning evidence than that stats. When Rivera was drafted out of Spotsylvania, VA, he weighed just 168 pounds. Since moving full-time to Mexico City, a place known for shady pharmaceutical practices, Rivera has added almost 20 pounds. Moreover, his hat size has increased an alleged 1/2 inch.

But perhaps nothing is more damaging than a first-hand account. You see, while Jalal and Geraldo have never met, they share several 2nd cousins. One such cousin, Yuri, has long been known to work out with cousin Jalal in the off-season. They often meet in Nogales, Mexico, a nearly lawless border town south of Tucson. While Jalal has often referred to both the great food and frequent visits from University of Arizona undergrads as benefits to training in Nogales, Yuni admitted that is was also a great place to buy cheap steroids.

Jalal Rivera
Mexico City
Age: 30
B/T: L/R
Born: Spotsylvania, VA
Position(s): 2B/LF
View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Since learning of the accusations, Jalal, Yuni, and Mexico City owner dyuen have all refused comment. This news couldn't come at a worse time for the Bandejos who trail San Francisco in the World Series, 2 games to 1. Rivera is 4-12 with 1 HR in the series, but has he peed in a cup yet?

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