Sunday, April 25, 2010
NKOTB Part 1: The Salt Cith ShamWows
History: Yoker70 is the 8th owner in 16 seasons of this woebegone franchise which has yet to make a playoff appearance. But Yoker seems to be righting the ship, adding 21 victories to the previous regime's total in year 1 and another 6 in year 2. The string of 7 straight last-place in the division finishes remains, but yoker has a plan.
First, 2 #1 overall picks, Abraham Young and James Kelly are being handled carefully, stepping their way through the minors rather than being rushed to the show. Former #2 overall pick Pete Miller illustrates the value of this strategy with is .353 and 40 HR last season.
The Story: Last year in Santa Cruz, yoker and the boys had the lowest payroll in the league and one of lowest in HBD history ($32 million). The team had to skimp on payroll because they just couldn't pay the bills. But this season, the team moved to Salt Lake City, UT where a city ordinance will require fans to join a club before purchasing beer at the game. This is projected to add $14 million in revenue. On top of that, ShamWow, the #1 infomercial of all time according to CNBC, purchased the TEAM's naming rights. The club's jersey's will actually be made of this revolutionary material which holds 12 times its weight in liquid. Come players worry about what that will mean to their speed near the end of those always muggy games in Mexico City, Las Vegas, and San Juan, but the $50 million yoker is pocketing in the deal means - WHO REALLY CARES? Plus, if you join the ShamWow drinking club, you get these "game shorts" seen above. CALL NOW!