NKOTB Part 1: The Salt Cith ShamWows

Salt Lake City ShamWows! (AL) yoker70 View Hardball Dynasty Profile

History: Yoker70 is the 8th owner in 16 seasons of this woebegone franchise which has yet to make a playoff appearance.  But Yoker seems to be righting the ship, adding 21 victories to the previous regime's total in year 1 and another 6 in year 2.  The string of 7 straight last-place in the division finishes remains, but yoker has a plan.

First, 2 #1 overall picks, Abraham Young and  James Kelly are being handled carefully, stepping their way through the minors rather than being rushed to the show.  Former #2 overall pick Pete Miller illustrates the value of this strategy with is .353 and 40 HR last season.

The Story: Last year in Santa Cruz, yoker and the boys had the lowest payroll in the league and one of lowest in HBD history ($32 million).  The team had to skimp on payroll because they just couldn't pay the bills.  But this season, the team moved to Salt Lake City, UT where a city ordinance will require fans to join a club before purchasing beer at the game.  This is projected to add $14 million in revenue.  On top of that, ShamWow, the #1 infomercial of all time according to CNBC, purchased the TEAM's naming rights.  The club's jersey's will actually be made of this revolutionary material which holds 12 times its weight in liquid.  Come players worry about what that will mean to their speed near the end of those always muggy games in Mexico City, Las Vegas, and San Juan, but the $50 million yoker is pocketing in the deal means - WHO REALLY CARES?  Plus, if you join the ShamWow drinking club, you get these "game shorts" seen above.  CALL NOW!

#1 overall pick Abraham Young

Abraham Young Salt Lake City Salty Sardines Age: 18 B/T: L/L Born: Bryan, TX Position(s): CF View Hardball Dynasty Profile

The Salt Lake City Sardines drafted Abraham Young #1 overall in the Season 13 Draft. Young, 5-tool CF from Bryan, TX, signed for $6.2M and immediately reported to Salt Lake's Rookie league team in Natchez, AZ.

The Background:
Young grew up in Bryan, TX, a city of 65,000 that shares a border with College Station, home of Texas A&M University. Young was raised almost from birth by his foster parents. His foster father, Kevin Skinner, works for Sanderson Farms, one of the largest local employers. Sanderson Farms processes 8.125 MILLION chickens a week at its plants in Mississippi, Louisiana, and Texas. All those chickens require a lot of catching. Skinner is Sanderson's most talented (and now, thanks to America's Got Talent, best known) chicken catcher.

Growing up around a legendary chicken catching father taught Young a few things. "I learned you've got to be lightning quick with your feet and hands. Also, I learned that chicken poop is slippery."

One thing he didn't learn, was book smarts. Young, who's been clocked as low as 4.34 in the 40-yard dash, has never excelled in the classroom. With the Aggies of Texas A&M were pursuing him as a football player, he never really came that close to going. "One of the coaches told me I'd have to pass this SAT test. Shoot, I didn't even know how to spell that." And so, Young took $6.2M and is off on a career in baseball.

The Scouting Report:
Young profiles as super-fast and quite powerful. However, many scouts wonder if his academic difficulties aren't translating onto the playing field. One scout remarked, "give that kid a fastball and he'll put it into the seats. But if he doesn't, look out, because he may not stop running the bases until you tag him out. And you're likely to tag him out because HE REFUSES TO STOP." Another scout told WCM off the record that Young's mental lapses often cause him to forget to use his glove hand when catching fly balls, which leads to an abnormal number of errors.

Still, the talent is there. This kid has hand-eye coordination that's rarely been seen, almost never swinging and missing. He hits the ball hard, and can go get it in the OF, though you're never sure what he'll do with it when he does get it.

NKOtB Part Two: Salt Lake City Salty Sardines

HISTORY: Orabbi is the 7th owner is 12 years for this well-traveled franchise. The last three owners have been one-and-done so let's hope a long-term solution is in place. The team has never made the playoffs enabling it to pick in the top 10 seven times in 11 amateur drafts. Season 10 #2 overall pick Pete Miller is being groomed patiently however and provides hope for the future.

As you may recall, previous owner bigking actually founded the former Wichita franchise before mr_orange muscled his way in and moved the team to Baltimore (http://hbd2ndcity.blogspot.com/2009/01/nkotb-part-two-sacramento-shockers.html). After mr_orange was acquitted of a RICO charge in the matter, bigking left the witness protection program and acquired this franchise, moving it to Sacramento. Following last season, bigking mysteriously disappeared. mr_orange once again denies any foul play.

In any event, the team entered receivership. That's when sardine magnet orabbi stepped in to take ownership.

OUTLOOK: Orabbi has decided that the team needs a re-building and he couldn't be more right. Several top veterans have been moved and a youth movement is surely at hand. Orabbi recently traded Livan Suarez to Las Vegas, breaking up the fabulous Suarez brothers. Expect a slow crawl back to contention as the youth movement is given time to succeed.

NAME: Orabbi made his fortune selling "sardines" to locals. His secret recipe has no peer, but theories abound. Orabbi reportedly produces the sardines from brine shrimp native to Great Salt Lake. However, various local reports say that his shrimp come only from the pink waters of Gunnison Bay, the saltiest portion of the lake. Gunnison Bay is saltier due to the 1904 construction of the Lucin Cutoff, a rail bridge across the lake. Orabbi's great-great grandfather allegedly discovered that extra-salty shrimp from Gunnison could be processed into a sardine-like product (even though it's shrimp rather than fish). Locals go nuts for the stuff, but nobody else can figure out how to make it so Orabbi's annual 15% price hike does little to slow sales. He's now invested the profits into the franchise.