Friday, November 7, 2008

NKotB the Final Frontier: Oklahoma City Bombers

bonesmagoo takes over a franchise's 5th owner and 3rd in as many years. He immediately returned the squad to the mainland, leaving behind Hawaii and the only last place finish in franchise history. The team has never reached the playoffs either though. Five second place finishes in 9 seasons have not earned even a single wild card birth.

So, what do we know about bonesmagoo?

Well, bones was a little-known hanger on of famous pop sensation, WHAM! (see photo to the left). In fact, he was named lead roadie of WHAM! in 1984. George Michael never sang a word on a microphone that bones hadn't first said "syballus, syballus, one-two, one-two" into first. While his roadie career started off with a bang, magoo was soon overcome by the rock-star lifestar lifestyle, frequently bedding WHAM! groupie castoffs. He certainly could have continued on with this lifestyle for years, but then IT happened.

IT is the little-known conflict that drove apart George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley. In January 1986, just after explaining American football to Ridgeley while watching the Bears win Super Bowl XX, George Michael's burrito went missing. Michael had stepped out to do an interview. When he returned, his gordo chorrizo and steak burrito was gone. Michael, already suspicious of Ridgeley's accent, immediately blamed him. Ridgeley was still trying to understand why Jimbo Covert wasn't a legal receiver but Fridge Perry was, so he had little response. Surely the upstanding magoo would have taken the blame, but he was locked away on the crapper, experiencing the full effects of gordo + chorrizo + hot sauce. In fact, WHAM!'s farewell single, The Edge of Heaven was actually Michael's tribute to a burrito he never had.

maggoo would follow Ridgeley into Formula 3 racing. While Ridgeley never had much success, magoo would meet Helena "T-Shirt" Pennzoil, heiress to the Jiffy Lube fortune. He and Helena didn't last, but he would walk away with a small fortune, plus free oil changes for life. He's sunk his life savings into the Bombers, which are named for a line in "Battlestations", off WHAM!'s farewell album, Music from the Edge of Heaven.

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