Friday, May 15, 2009

Honey, would you rather I were making love to him using your name, or making love to you using his name?

The Arizona Isotopes of Albuquerque hired a new VP of player development heading into this season. Not only did Annie Savoy become the first woman to hold such a title in Second City, she also brought her own unique brand or leadership to player development.

Yank Spencer, the #4 pick in the Season 9 draft, seemed on the path to stardom after going 10-6 with a 3.25 ERA at AA last season. Nineteen year-old Tyler Brown was chosen 12th overall in Season 11 and was off to a great start, allowing just 1 run in 9 and 2/3 innings this year. Tragically, both precocious prospects are now done for the year, sidelined by nerve irritation in their forearms.

Windy City Musings (WCM) crack investigative staff has uncovered some unconventional training methods used with the young 'Topes pitching prospects. Multiple sources have confirmed that "Yank" was told to where garters (flower in the front) on days he was pitching. The younger Brown wasn't quite ready for intimates section, but he was reported to be attempting to breath through his eyelids. Neither training technique is exactly proven, but Savoy is well-respected throughout the game. She may not be anymore however.

Both top prospects exited spring training in fine form. Sources tell WCM that they were told not to mess with the streak. Because wives and girlfriends are not allowed at the 'Topes spring training compound, both young pitchers spent considerable time "by themselves". Upon the season starting, their pitching coaches gave them strict orders to stay away from women ("Women weaken legs" according to Rocky's trainer). Nobody disputes that both players followed orders, but now this previously rare injury. Coincidence? WCM thinks not.

Savoy spoke briefly with WCM for this story, but cut the interview short when our angle became clear. When asked about her innovative training methods, she did share this, "Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games." When asked about the no sex policy, Savoy replied, "The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self awareness." and stormed from the room. Isotopes management refused to comment for the story.

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