Friday, August 14, 2009

The Dandy Dozen: Antonio Chapman

Today's HOF post is written by new WCM correspondent, THE SPIN DOCTOR

Antonio Chapman
Age: 25B/T: L/L
Born: Anaheim, CA
Position(s): 1B/DH
View Hardball Dynasty Profile

The next Hall of Fame candidate up for discussion is an interesting and admittedly premature one. Antonio Chapman of the Texas Riders has put up such monster numbers in his five years of service that he has opened the eyes of voters. Chapman is a 6’2” left handed first baseman. Any comparisons to Ryan Howard stop there as Chapman is only 25 years old and should have numerous huge years in his future. He was the 8th pick of the draft in season 6 from Frontier High School in Whittier, near Los Angeles. The seven teams who passed on him are kicking themselves as only #1 pick Kevin Canseco has enjoyed any real success in the big leagues. Unfortunately Chapman’s high school has fallen on hard times with budget cuts at $13 million and 25 people losing their jobs.

Antonio, well known around the league as being very cheap, has failed to provide any assistance to his former school.

Antonio has a career average of .338 and has had seasons of 67, 69, 81 and 81 home runs. While those numbers are inflated by the homer happy American League, they are still very impressive. He has already won rookie of the year, a hr derby, two mvp trophies, been voted to four all star teams and won three silver slugger awards. Suffice it to say his trophy case is full.

Rest of the Story:
Chapman has already had a very interesting life. He was born out of wedlock to former Playboy playmate, Merle Pertile, who moved to Whittier from Illinois. Antonio’s father is unknown as Merle had no shortage of suitors around town since her 38 inch bust complemented her 5’5” frame exceptionally well. Antonio’s next door neighbor was Fergie, who taught him everything she knows about the birds and the bees. Fergie was said to be well enamored with young Antonio but one night she went to far when her penchant for golden showers turned Antonio off young women for good.

Since then Chapman has been a troubled young man. He has spent time in prison for the rape of a 72 yr old woman while she was walking her dog.

Antonio thought he could get away with his crimes by hiding out in Key West. Unbeknownst to him, Second City commissioner Jwendt has spent a lot of time as the featured webcam dancer at Sloppy Joe’s in Key West. Jwendt instantly recognized Antonio and blew his cover.

After escaping Key West, Antonio took up residence in Chicago. However his attraction to senior citizens did not wane as Antonio used porcelain dolls to try and lure old woman into his clutches.

Chapman certainly has the credentials and talent to make it to the Second City Hall. Whether or not Texas GM jying98 can control Chapman's sick mind is the key to if he actually gets there.

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