Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Outlaws hide out in Fresno

The LA Outlaws were finally driven out of LA today. The Outlaws have been battling the LA government over stadium financing for years. After being told 'no' team owner PirateFan13 immediately looked locally. While public statements have indicated that stadium funding was the reason behind the move, insiders are convinced that the move had more to do with the price of gas.

Since purchasing the team from founder bccullan 3 seasons ago, team owner and notorious miser, PirateFan has been commuting almost 200 miles from his home just outside of Fresno. Moving the team closer to home promises to save PirateFan hundreds of dollars a week in fuel for his Hummer H3.

Another, more obscure story comes from a former girlfriend of PirateFan who has chosen to remain nameless. "PirateFan is a bit of a cook. Ever since that James Bond move, A View to a Kill, came out, he's paranoid. First he dumped me and starts stalking Grace Jones (May Day from the film). Next thing you know he's convinced that Christopher Walken is going to sink Silicon Valley and then move on to LA. He said Fresno might be cheap now, but just wait until it's ocean-front property." This reporter couldn't even compose himself to ask a follow up question.

In Fresno, the Outlaws were greeted by the open arms of mayor Alan Autry. Autry, a former Green Bay Packer quarterback was thrilled to bring professional imaginary sports back to town after the stinging loss of rotisserie roller derby franchise, the Fresno Freeze to Budapest.

1 comment:

Piratefan13 said...

Fresno owner official statement: After much trepidation, I sought council from my good friend Al Davis and discussed exit strategies from Los Angeles. While LA posed a prime baseball market, the Outlaws were unable to receive the necessary upgrades to the stadium and additional revenue required to maintain such an elite professional organization. Fresno has welcomed us with open arms as we seek to build a strong relationship with the city and our fans. We look forward to many successful seasons at Grizzlies Stadium.